Helpless. The word rose up out of my mind and offered itself to me in the middle of a dark night. I held a feverish child in my arms, watched his labored breathing, imagined the flickering candle of his precious little life before my eyes. My mind traveled farther than I meant it to go,…
Tag: trust
The Birth Story of Haven McCabe
Our baby’s due date came and went without the first sign of nearing labor. Each following day could have been the perfect beginning of a birth story. The day Randy discovered the song of the wood thrush and absorbed himself in writing a piece of music using the intervals of the bird’s song. There was…
Standing at the Edge of a World
A woman on the verge of birth Is standing at the edge of a world. She moves through the rhythms Of her normal lifeWhile preparing to travel,Led by the loving voice of God,Somewhere no one else can follow.The hidden path that opens itselfOnly once.The passage she aloneCan pass through. As I have been moving through…
The Birth Story to Come: Impressions of a Life Yet Unseen
I love to have conversations about birth. No matter how many times I find myself here, in the “any day now” space between pregnancy and delivery, I am struck by the sheer power of the experience of bringing a baby into this world. There is nothing routine about it. No matter how many times you…
The Space Between Here and a Miracle (Podcast Episode #4)
You can also listen and subscribe to this podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. For anyone who is waiting on God to answer prayers for a way forward… Anyone who is at the end of their own resources… Anyone who, like me, needs a boost of faith this morning… Today I am reminding myself of God’s…
Questions to My Future Self (A Mother Wants to Know How It All Turns Out)
This morning I am checking in with my future self. I have to gently wake her, because it is 4:30 a.m., and she is no longer in the habit of waking with babies all through the night. When she sees me standing there over her bed in the dark, she doesn’t mind. She treats me…
Surrendering to a Season (Thoughts at the Beginning of My Ninth Pregnancy)
This morning I drank a cup of tea for the first time in six weeks. Rich Assam with a swirl of cream. The taste of it brought tears to my eyes. It is October, and nothing complements the first of the crimsons and golds like a steaming mug of fragrant tea. I am just rounding…
Hope and Miracles
What in the world is even happening? I find myself sifting through the media, shaking my head in wonder at all the different perspectives that claim to be true. I read statistics from experts in every field, see photographs that prove the arguments without a doubt, absorb the shocking headlines. I hear yelling from every…
Looking for a House and Finding Home
I have opened my heart up to want this year. One day in early January, I woke up with the clear vision that this house is never going to be ideal for our family. And I began to want something better. When we bought this brand-new 2-bedroom, 2 bathroom house as nearly newly-weds, we saw…
Brave (or What Strangers Call Me in the Grocery Store)
Sometimes people don’t know what to say. When they see us in the grocery store–three little ones in the buggy, three bigger ones swarming around my waist–I can actually see them doing math in their heads. Is it possible that all of these children could belong to the same mother? I get a lot of…
A Little Life Remembered
Mis-Carry. I don’t like this word. It implies that I carried this baby differently. But I didn’t. My womb had an open door, the baby came in, and I accepted the life with the same fear and trembling, the same joy and wonder, the same gentle reminder that God is the creator and sustainer of…
Miracle of Miracles, and a Modern Metaphor for Faith
I am nearly in shock. I hardly know how to articulate what is going on in my heart right now. We have seen a lot of miracles–large and small–in the course of our marriage and through the process of recording this album. They have always been right on time, right when we needed them most….