Because I have eight children, people often assume that I just breeze my way through pregnancy and birth and that it is no big deal to me by now. If you have been with me any amount of time, you probably already know how life-changing every one of these births have been for me. How many times I have wrestled with my own fears, and how each birth has made me braver than I ever planned to be. Many times, I was holding onto the promise of his mercy and nothing else, feeling that I was standing on the very edge of the world, and that in order to surrender to what I knew he was gently calling me to do, I had to offer up every bit of faith I had to say yes. When I look back, I see God’s grace all over my life, and I am so grateful he brought me this far. And I am grateful beyond belief for each life he has brought into the world through the humble vehicle of my body.
I have seen that in my weakness, God shows himself strong. And just as a woman in labor must simply breathe and allow her body to work and move the baby through, I have learned that in my life, when I simply surrender to the work God is doing, one breath at a time, he will bring me places I could have never traveled on my own.
I want to share with you a special journal. I made this over several weeks before my fifth child, Heidi Wren, was born. I was still healing from a traumatic fourth birth and was not planning on getting pregnant again so soon. When I found out we were expecting again, I cried, and Randy held me and told me it was going to be okay. Part of my process for gathering my courage, letting go of fears, and leaning into the mercy of God was making this little journal, which I held in my hands through much of her labor. God was merciful to me in miraculous ways through this birth. The moment she was born was probably the happiest moment of my whole life. I was laughing. And I truly cannot imagine a world where her beauty doesn’t shine and shimmer. She is a treasure.
This is a walk-through of my birth journal. It has drawings made by my children, scriptures handwritten and sent in the mail to me by a dear friend, words I cut out of old books, and lyrics to a favorite song that gave me courage. Sending it with love to you today.
Thank you for being here with me. I do hope that these pages will give you a dose of hope and courage to do something that God is calling you to do that may feel too hard or overwhelming. Take heart, have faith for this step, surrender to the work he has begun, and breath by breath, he will deliver you.
Journaling is the way I understand my world. It is the way I pray and process my life, it is the way I think and feel. How I have good ideas, how I sift through and remember the important details of my life. Want to learn how journaling can help you experience a richer, more connected life? Join me on Patreon for full access to my 6 week course, Innermost Journaling: Mining the Depths of Your Sacred Everyday Life. Click to learn more.