Tomorrow is my due date. I can hardly believe that in a few short hours or days, the secret face of this child will be revealed, and we will be holding her in our arms. God has done a huge miracle in my life to make me brave for this day. I wrote in my last post (Moving Through Fear) about my anxieties about going through childbirth again and how God has been teaching me to close the door on my fears and lean into him in a deeper way. I can honestly say that through these last few months, he has given me peace. I am not dreading this. I am praying that through this birth, he will keep me calm and centered on his promises. That I will never reach a point of panic.
I know my life and the life of this child are in his hands. And that is the safest and most comforting place to be.
I have actually been looking at this birth completely differently than my previous deliveries. I keep telling myself, and truly believing, that in the moment when the great work is done and that baby is resting on my chest for the first time, that will be the greatest moment of my entire life. It is the most complete picture to date of what God is doing through this body, soul, and spirit. Every soul-searching moment of my life has led me to this day. Every plan, every prayer, every hope and dream, every breakdown and every surrender has led me to this one single moment where another living soul will enter this world through the vehicle of my body. I will be the mother of six children, each unique in the world, each set apart for purposes we can only at this time imagine. All of their lives are so meaningful and beautiful. They add so much to this world. Each of them change it in unfathomable ways. I am a part of that beautiful future.
I know that the work ahead is hard. But I am truly looking forward to the joy that is just beyond the struggle, and to best day of my life so far. Once again, through the profound experience of birth, our family will witness the miracle of the deepening and widening–the very soul-impriting–of love.