A Little Life Remembered

Mis-Carry.  I don’t like this word.  It implies that I carried this baby differently.  But I didn’t.  My womb had an open door, the baby came in, and I accepted the life with the same fear and trembling, the same joy and wonder, the same gentle reminder that God is the creator and sustainer of…

Buying a House is Like Having a Baby

The process of buying a house is remarkably like the stages of labor. Step 1: It’s Time.  This is the exciting moment when you realize you are actually going to have a house.  You are going to get to see the home you have only been dreaming about for so long.  You know that you…

Waiting on Azalea Jane, a birth story

I am writing this weeks after Azalea was born, and it reminds me of the way you feel the next morning after waking up from a nightmare.  In the middle of the night, a dream can feel so terrifying.  Your heart is pounding.  You felt that it was so real.  The next morning, when you…

Moving Through Fear

  I am in the second trimester of my sixth pregnancy.  This is really happening.  This is set in motion.  In a few short months, this pregnancy will end in labor, delivery, and the prize of all prizes–another sweet baby in our family. People literally say to me all the time, regarding birth, “Oh, you’re…

Living by Faith

About a month ago, we found out that I am expecting again. This will be five children in 7 years. (I’m sure many of you reading this are having a gut reaction.) It means that I have been pregnant or nursing now nonstop since early 2007. It is a lot to take in. It is…

The Daily Turn #18: {The Song of My Daughter}

The woman who scanned my groceries in the checkout line felt compelled to tell me (in the two minutes that she held my undivided attention) that she would never bring children into this world. She had watched the news too much, and it was only going to get worse. I wouldn’t want my kids to…

The Daily Turn #14: walking with myself

If I could go back, I would walk with myself like a mother and child holding hands. I would say: Don’t be afraid of growing up. Don’t worry that you may lose one by one (to imagined fires, through open windows, at the hands of nonexistent strangers) every one, and that you couldn’t outlive the…

Miracle of Miracles, and a Modern Metaphor for Faith

I am nearly in shock. I hardly know how to articulate what is going on in my heart right now.  We have seen a lot of miracles–large and small–in the course of our marriage and through the process of recording this album.  They have always been right on time, right when we needed them most….

Nightmares, Miracles, and Morning Sickness

I will tell things in the order that they have happened, because the story unfolding is the most important part… About a month ago, we found out that I am pregnant again.  (yes, I know how this happens; no, it wasn’t an accident; yes, I do have my hands full; no, I am not trying…

Living Through Transition

I have three beautiful children, and consequently, I have experienced three life-changing births. When Rosie was born, not having any previous knowledge of what it would be like to have a baby, I read books about labor and birth.  Nothing could prepare me for the actual experience itself (I realized in retrospect!), but one piece…

Spiritual Genetics

I am beginning to realize what an amazing, happy, carefree, often-oblivious life I have lived.    In three weeks, I will be thirty years old, and I have just, as of last week,  had my first concentrated dose of suffering in the recent death of my father-in-law.  Randy’s Father suffered for many years before they found out what was…